How to be Happy, dammit, a cynic's guide to spiritual Happiness by Karen Salmansohn - - - - -
Warning! You think about 60,000 thoughts a day. It's up to you to make sure that you don't use up 59,999 of them with negative, cynical thinking. So next time, before you start to think something negative, just think about that... and this: Your brain has 100 billion cells -- and each of these little babies is connected to at least 20,000 other cells. The variety of potential combinations of all these is more multitudinous than the number of molecules existing in the entire universe! So, if you have that many different combinations of brain cells to choose from, why not try a new combo today? This book will help you do just that.
You were born into this world an innocent. Guilt-free. Sugar-free. Caffeine-free. You are noble and pure. Then suddenly... WHACK. You are spanked. Really hard. This is unfair. You have done nothing wrong. You know this for a fact. How? You haven't had time to do anything- period. You are only 3 1/2 seconds old. You haven't had time to catch your breath, let alone time to covet a neighbor or furtively screen calls on your answering machine. You don't even have an answering machine yet. You don't even have people to avoid yet-- you are that spanking new. Which brings us back to that spanking. WHY? Why you? Why all the pain? Although you're only 3 1/2 seconds old, you have just been taught a BIG life lesson.
Life Lesson #1 -
Pain exists. Life can hurt. LIke a lot. Even when you're good, you can get whacked. Without apology. Without explanation. Well, at least not right away. It's not until later, that you finally learn...
Life Lesson #2 -
That pain back in LIFE LESSON #1 was for your benefit. You were being taught to breathe, invited to suck down a yummy oxygen/nitrogen cocktail. That painful whack was necessary for your growth. Of course, had you been told this at that time, you still would not have understood with your naive lil' baby mind. And so it goes for much of the pain in your life. Often you need to evolve a bit more before you can understand a bit more. By now you know: you live in a world of 1,000,001 interpreations. By now you know: you must resist staying stuck on merely 1.
Life Lesson #3 -
Life is more mystery than misery. In time, insights take form. You relate to that expression: "No pain, no gain." Only you feel it's more like: "No pain, no Rogaine." Meaning? Growth can come from places you thought were dead, barren, and disappointing. Which leads you to...
Life Lesson #4
You always have a choice of emotional responses to life. Happiness is not about what happens to you, but how you choose to respond to what happens. That's why it's called happiness not happenness-- though it could be called hope-ness. You must always leave room for hope that all has happened for a good cause. Or to quote the philosopher Aurthur Schopenhauer: Life may be compared to a piece of embroidery of which, during the first half of our time, we get a sight of the right side, and during the second half, of the wrong. The wrong side is not as pretty... but it is more instructive: it shows the way which the threads have been worked together [to make the pattern]. You feel this Arty guy's got it pretty right. What he says reminds you of a tip your gardener friend told you... Some plants are only meant to last fora certain season or a certain time. (said your gardener friend). If you try to make them live longer, you will be a bad gardener. You were struck by how the same goes for people and jobs, how sometimes it seems people and jobs -- and/or problems in general - are brought into your life for certain reasons, to stay around for a certain time, to teach you certain things. Of this you are certain. For instance, they've taught you...
Life Lesson #5 -
Judge a tree by its fruits. And ditto for people. You can always tell who someone is by the circumstances they grow. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree- and neither does the bad banana. By now you know... to avoid bad banana people. And you especially know it's fruitless to ask bad banana people for advice. For instance, don't ask career-less people for career advice... or relationship-less people for relationship advice.
Life Lesson #6
Never go shopping for kiwis in a shoe store. Some people just don't have what you need. so why waste time, banging on their doors, ringing their bells, demanding service? When you think about the kiwi-less people in your life, you're reminded of yet another wise thing your gardener friend told you -- this time about a dying purple plant you once had in your home. y ou had been keeping this purple plant in direct sunlight, feeding it plenty of water, spoiling it silly. However, rather than blossom at your touch, it was perishing. When you asked your gardener friend about it, he chuckled and explained: "This breed of plant thrives best in darkness-- with very little water." You were surprised. You had thought that all plants craved lots of water and lots of sunlight. Now you know: some need less to live on, some crave being left alone. And the same goes for people. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #7 -
You -- and those you've befriended/worked with/slept with-- each of you-- just like plants -- comes with your own unique feeding manual. You each have your own need and speeds for growth. You must read each person's instruction manual carefully-- then proceed with caution! Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #8 -
You -- and those you've befriended/worked with/slept with -- each of you has your own "human nature" because you are "a thing of nature" -- just like a plant. And just like a plant, you too are governed by the same laws of nature. It's like this: We all come from the same Big Bubbling Pot of World Primordial Nature Stew. Because of this, you are governed -- along with your Pot Mates (like plants and flowers and bananas) -- under the same Laws of... Primordial Nature. These laws include the ever popular: Spring Law, Summer Law, Fall Law, Winter Law. You have tried your best to break these four laws... but they've been more successful at breaking you. For instance, at some point in your year (every year) it seems your life hits a "winter phase" of coldness and darkness with very little growth and fertility -- a phase that gets you thinking: Oh no. That's it, my life is over. Everything good is gone. The world sucks. Only to find that... whaddayaknow... your winter phase ends and the Spring Law arrives to spring you free into a phase filled with renewal and growth and brightness. Then comes your summer phase, followed by your fall phase, followed by winter, spring, sumer, etc... etc...
Life Lesson #9 -
The only constant is change. And things can change at anytime like this typeface or this language... Voila. Si! Borgkp mjpo? Into a language you cannot understand. Your worst fear: not understanding. Although you know, that... you know? You never know. Which reminds you of a good symbolic fable...
"Dope On a Rope" -
This criminal had committed a crime. (Because hey, that's what criminals do. That's their job. Anyway, he was sent to the king for his punishment. The king told him he had a choice. He could be hung by a rope o take the punishment behind the big dark scary steel door. The criminal quickly decided on the rope. As the noose was being slipped on him, he asked, "Out of curiosity, what's behind that door?" The king laughed and said, "You know, it's funny, I offer all you guys the same choice, and nearly all of you pick the rope." "So," sad the criminal, "what's behind the door? Obviously, I won't tell anyone," he said, pointing to the noose around his neck. The king paused then answered, "Freedom, but it seems most people are so afraid of the unknown that they immediately take the rope." You relate. You know. All too often fear stops you from going wehre you need to go. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #10 - Fear works like Interfear -- stopping you from getting what you really want/ need. All too often you have to be at the end of your rope to be tempted to move through your fear... and go for the unfamiliar, the unknown, to change. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #11 -
If you keep doing what you've always been doing, then you'll keep getting what you've always been getting. You must courageously break the habit of your habits, or every year you will be doomed to live out: "Same shit! Different Outfit." The style of your clothes may change, but the style of your circumstances won't. Which reminds you of a story...
"The Elephant Truly Never Forgets" -
The first trick an elephant trainer teaches an elephant is not to escape. When the elephant is still but a baby, the trainer chains the infant's leg to a huge log, so when/if the elephant tries to escape, the log proves stronger and he gives up. Eventually the elephant becomes so used to its captivity, that even when it has grown huge and strong, all the trainer has to do is merely tie the chain around the elephant's leg to anything - even a tiny little twig - and the elephant won't even try to escape. It has become a prisoner of its past. This elephant and its twig remind you of you and your childhood. Though you believe childhood habits can be broken. You say: childhood shmildhood. IN fact, you often feel yours was more of a "shmildhood." And your parents were often more like "shmarents." But, so what? That was then. This is now. Time has passed. You can let go. Move on... Can't you? Yes, you can... step back from that twig! The trick is: you must first see it's only a silly lil' twig. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #12 -
If order to see the path to what you want, you must first see clearly what is holding you back. You must remove those blinders you've been wearing since "shmildhood" and take a long look both inside and around you. BUT... at first you feel it's safer - healthier - for these blinders to remain on. So much so, you confuse these blinders for Band-Aids. Band-Aids that can heal you. But you are wrong. These Pseudo Band-Aids won't heal you. (Ouch.) Unfortunately you are also afraid to remove these Pseudo Band-Aids because you believe it will hurt a lot to remove them -- which is true. But this pain won't last for long-- and it (ironically) will be your true and only path to healing.
Life Lesson #13 -
If you want to change your life, you must first be ready to see and feel some panful truths...Like... Boy, have I been leading the life of an idiot _ that's only a teeny lil' twig. In fact, I put the I into Idiot .. And who wants to see that? Not you. You like to see yourself as 100% Superman, with 0% Clark Kent. Your problem? You are both. But in your version of this Superman/Clark Kent story, you walk around in your Superman outfit... and meanwhile, in your secret identity, you are really the fearful, wimpy Clark Kent. You've foolishly tried to increase your super power status by improving upon your tights - making them flashier, ritzier - and on occasion flinging your cape in other people's faces. Meanwhile, it's your weak Clark Kent Secret self that needs the bolstering. Otherwise, all you'll ever be is a wimp in fancy tights who can't fly.
"Which Came First: The Eagle or the Egg?"
A little boy was wandering in the forest and came upon an eagle's nest. He plucked an egg, brought it back to his farm, and giggling to himself, slid it under a mama-to-be chicken. Soon after, this chicken's eggs hatched, and there among the chicklets was a female eaglette. This little eaglette grew up with her chicken peers, learning all sorts of chicken habits: how to walk like a chicken, squawk like a chicken, eat like a chicken. THis eagle did it all. However, no matter how passionately she put her all into her chicken existence, she always felt something was missing. She didn't know what, but she felt an inner emptiness. One day she looked up in the sky and saw a beautiful bird, soaring freely among the clouds. She felt this pang of awe mixed with a weird sense of connection. She longed to be up there flying, too. Suddenly she had this flash of insight. She flapped her wings and to her surprise, took off. That's when she realized that all along there was more to her than mere chickenhood. She was meant to fly- as well as cash in on some other pretty nifty eagle perks. You relate. Often you feel you are an eagle leading the life of a mere chicken - or working with a chicken. - or sleeping with a chicken. Although you know: eagles are fearless. Chickens live up to their name "chicken" -- and live by fear. And you know: an eagle's first step to living the life of an eagle is to face all fears. And an eagle's first and #1 fear is: "What will my chicken friends think if I start to live differently?" Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #14 -
You must declare your own Independence Day then your own Independence Year, then your own independence Life. the purpose of yoru life is to find the purpose of your life. This means: you must listen to your heart, listen to your belly, listen to NPR -- but you must stop listening to your shmarents and your shmriends. ( After all, just look at their crazy fruit trees!) You realize: being who you want to be, and doing what you want to do, is self-respect. But that's not all, folks. It's also one of your Pot of Primordial Stew Club Membership Duties. Something even your Pot Mate and flower knows to wisely cash in on. A flower instinctively goes toward the light. It doesn't spend time worrying if people will mistake it for a weed or if it's taking too much sun. It wisely and simply follows its primal flower gut instincts to attain its highest level of flowerosity. Conversely, you- and your busy, busy brain-- have been programmed to think, think, think- and so you have been ignoring your heart's instincts. Just like that eagle in this chicken days. It's when that eagle finally followed its heart that her life finally began to soar. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #15 -
You must unlearn. To get what you want, you must be open not only to learning - but un-learning. You must sign up for un-lessons -- where yo un-learn learned fear, guilt, anger, jealousy, insecurity- and that's just for starters. In other words, before you write your to-do list of what you want, you have to write your to un-do list and your to-don't list. So you get a piece of paper and you write down the following six categories: money, love, sex, family, power, happiness. next to each of these categories you write down your negative views -- your fears, your guilts, your insecurities - that you must un-learn and un-feel. Money. Love. Sex. Family. Power. Happiness. For instance, you ask yourself what negative views you have about money. Like: do you believe all rich people are superficial jerks - hence if you become rich you too might become a superficial jerk? Do you suffer from keeping Down with the Joneses syndrome? Do you feel guilty about surpassing your friends - and/or parents - in wealth? If so , you must unlearn and un-feel these negative ideas and negative emotions... And you find that when you trade in these negative beliefs and emotions for positive ones, you start getting more in harmony with receiving money. You start seeing money everywhere. Even in the word harmony, which suddenly now looks to your like harmoney. Ok... Let's say you are capable of finding these negative emotions... but unsure how to truly lose them once you've found them. What then? How can you truly make sure you un-learn an unj-feel all your negativity? The answer: play a little game called "Find the Meaning in Life's Past Meannesses." In part ONE of this game, you "Return to the scene of the Crime" and playact detective. You track down your most bad, dark, depressing-- grumble/grumble/grumble - childhood (and even recent) memories that led to your original negative beliefs and emotions. In part TWO of this game, you "Return to the Scene of the Sublime." Now you must playact Hollywood screenwriter and find the meaning in you suffering. you must rewrite these events so you see them as something positive-- just like a Hollywood screenwriter generously allows his fictional movie characters to eventually - clunk! Oh yeah! - see the fortune in their misfortune by story's end! Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #16 -
This is the secret to happiness - in 3 words: Rationalize. Rationalize. Rationalize. You find it's helpful to lie to yourself about your past pain and all the rotten things that have hapened to you. And it's only fair - since everyone else is lying to you too anyway. Just kidding. Sort of. Well, achem, remember this is a cynic's guide to spiritual happiness. You decide to see equals. Your enemies = your teachers. Your failure = your wisdom. You mistakes = your lucky discoveries. Your conflics = your growth opportunities. Your undesired endings = your desirable beginnings. You grapes of wrath = your raisons d'etre. Your painful feelings = your proud proof that you are dealing with your feelings - head on! And there's a freebee bonus benefit to doing the above... You begin to be less judgmental about your: rage, fear, pain, conflicts, and disappointments. Not only for what has happened in the past but also when it comes to your present and future. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #17-
You must celebrate Non-Judgment Day, then Non-Judgment Year, then Non-Judgment LIfe. You find that when you look at life and people through the eyes of non-judgment, you attain a special x-ray vision that allows you to see past the bad- and straight through to the good. Which leads you to...
Life Lesson #18 -
You must relax and enjoy the ride. You find it helps to remind yourself: You're not the only one on this bumpy, curvy, frenetic ride called life. You're not being singled out by the fates to suffer, to feel pain,to be disappointed. Everyone on this planet experiences major disappointments and pain. Every member of the Fortune 500 Club could also be eligible for membership in the Misfortune 500 Club. The only difference between these two clubs is: those very successful people who are members of the Fortune 500 Club know that when / if you fall on your face, you must use the leverage to bounce back higher. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #19
You must not live in denial that disappointment and failure and pain and conflict and darkness and evil exist- they are out there. Every silver lining always has its cloud. This is a world of duality: of good and bad, yin and yang, decaffeinated and caffeinated. So you must always be prepared! It's like this: If you didn't accept that Good Humor Trucks existed, then you'd risk getting run over by one someday. Well, the same goes with those "Bad Humor" Trucks that are dangerously careening around out there. You also know that just because Bad Humor Trucks exist, does not mean you must walk around constantly looking for fleets of them - or else you'll never be able to get anywhere - and you'll miss out on the now. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #20
You must have Great Non-Expectations. It's self-defeating living in a tense future tense, second-guessing, third-guessing, 158th-guessing life. You accept: you live in a world of uncertainty. This uncertainty ingredient is what makes for that hot and inimitable entree called "The Future" - otherwise all would be permanently frozen in time. You realize uncertainty affects everyone and everything on this planet - right down to teeny-weeny electrons. You've heard even your Local Quantum Physicist cannot predict the future of pet laboratory electrons when they are let loose in experiments. Sometimes these electrons live the life of a wave, sometimes a particle - one never knows, which can be very unsettling. You realize that if even a smart Quantum Physicist can't predict the future of an electron - one of the teeniest particles found in this vast universe - then you are no better off trying to lay down bets on that bigger and lumpier chunk of the universe called "Your Life." So you resign your membership at that Frequent Flier Club into the future. And you ban those rousing Frequent Flier Club Cheerleading chants, like:
1. I'm worried that..
2. I can't until...
3. Someday I will..
4. What if...
5. I'll have another scotch on the rocks
Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #21
You must remember: You are here now.. no, no, NOW... NO, NOW! You are a human being and not human was or a human will be. So you try to spend more time being present- and less time being busy. Though granted, things have gotten a heck more hectic since you were born. (You now even have people to avoid on this answering machine.) You also know that sometimes you can get so outrageously busy that you could pass by a troll standing on the stret corner waving a million bucks at you... and you might not even notice. Meaning?
Life Lesson #22
It doesn't matter how fast you get there, if you're heading in the wrong direction. So...you must slow down and see where you are going, buddy! Though you think instead of calling it "slowing down" it should be called "slowing up," because when you take your time... you save time. "Slowing Up" a quickie explanation: It means you do not live in the past (with old habits), nor in the future (with not-so-great expectations), but here, in the moment- where the true you- and your true power- and the true answer to your problems - can all be found. Which reminds you of yet another little story.
"I'm Dancing as Slowly as I Can"
You remember back to a dance class you took at your gym. The teacher showed you this complicated dance that you were expected to learn by hour's end. You remember thinking: "Yeah right, lady." But then she slowed down the music - played it at a much slower tempo- so you could see the steps weren't so mindboggling - or fetboggling. And sure enough within 60 minutes you were a regular Fred Astaire. You know the same approach works for the complicated fancy footwork it takes to switch out of a bad relationship or a bad career. At first glance it looks like so much effort. Then when you relax you can see what the Buddhists see... the 1,000-mile journey begins with one step. It's like how in the movies, folks like Clint or Sylvester or Sigourney know to remain cool and calm even when their futures look bleak and doomed. Although these people are often called "action heroes," you know their real power comes from being "still heroes," masters of the art of staying still within - of being fully, deeply present. The Buddhists call this mindfulness. Though in many ways it's like mind-unfullness because it is all about entering into an empty-mind state, void of worries and fears and insecurities... a state that can be best achieved through regular meditation. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #23
When you practice regular meditation, you find you are able to see so much more. Meditation works like one of those shake-up-snowdome thingies - it helps the flaky stuff in your mind settle down, so you can see more clearly what you truly need and want. So once a day you just sit, stop, become a human still life. Do nothing. Be nothing. Except breath. You become at one with your breath. You breathe. In and out. In and out. In and out. You shhhh and ignore the shhh*t. You've found that once you've opened your eyes from meditation, that's when you see stuff like...Whaddayaknow... That chain around your leg is attached to a teeny-weeny twig. Whaddayaknow... You are really an eagle who longs to soar in the sky. All you have to do is flap! Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #24
When you become calm and serene on the inside, the world becomes more calm and serene on the outside. You find that when you meditate more, you make better choices more - find better people more - and better opportunities more. So much so... it feels almost like magic! Some may call this good fortune "synchronicity." Some may call it "luck." some may call it "intuition." Some may call it Ralph. (Admittedly very few people, though.) Some may call it "tapping into a collective unconscious." But you're a rational person, so you prefer to call it what scientists call it: The invisible energies of chaos theory at work. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #25
You must understand that there is chaos in this world - as well as order in all chaos. In the same way there's order in a seemingly chaotic subway station, there's order in allt he chaos of life around you. The trick is to try to see the order in your chaos, and to accept that... nothing in this universe is random. Both form and formlessness are connected within the same vibrating field all around you. All molecules are energy - and all energy is in motion at varying speeds - all around you, at all times. Some molecules vibrate at slower speeds - and those vibrating at very slow speeds are what you presently perceive as the material world. And those molecules vibrating at hyperfast speeds are the invisible energy of your thoughts. Yes, thoughts, too, have energy. In other words: the only difference between you and this book are the configuration and speed of your molecules. Otherwise, you and this book are made of the same stuff, vibrating in the same interconnected field. Ok, it's Metaphor Time...
"Field Goals"
You are like a tiny fish surrounded by a field of water but unable to see this water. What's going on in this field around you sends out waves that affect you. Likewise, what you do - and think - sends out waves into this field around you. This includes your negative thoughts - which can create distracting tidal waves that block you from seeing how to best get to your goal. (huh?) The explanation: You are like a tiny fish surrounded and connected to the energy filed that originated form that pot of Bubbling Primordial Stew. You - yes, lil' ol' you - are connected to all the infinite knowledge found in this original macro Primordial Stew ocean. The explanation of the explanation: If you shift your awareness from the ordinary - which can be done through meditation as well as basic relaxation - you can sense this infinite, invisible, vibrating, all-knowing energy that is within you and around you, and can tap into that stuff that some call intuition, some call synchronicity, some call Ralph. The explanation of the explanation of the explanation: When you are calm within, you can better see the order in the chaos - almost as if you have been given a secret map of this chaos that shows you the paths you need to take to get where you need to go!
For example: Part 1
This infinite, invisible, vibrating, all-knowing energy is what dogs tap into when they sense an earthquake coming.
For example: Part 2
And what moms tap into when they sense that their distant baby is in danger.
For example: Part 3
And what you tap into when you think of a person and then they call you moments later
For example: Part 4 to 1,000,000,000
And what you tap into when you meet the very type of person that you have in your head that you've been needing to meet - in business and/or love, etc., etc.
Once in for all... All is one.
You know: all of this sounds weird, freaky, psychedelic, man. You also know: it explains a lot of the weird, freaky, psychedelic, man things that have happened to you. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #26
You must show more respect for the invisible world, because often what you don't see is what you get. Just look at odorless gas. Well, that is if you could look at odorless gas. It is invisible, yet it has the power to change your life... ie, kill you. And look at television. It is merely a box with wires. Yet when invisible energy passes through it, it too has the power to change your life ie, kill your taste level.
And look at harmonic resonance - which you can look at, on any two guitars. When an "E" string is plucked on one, it will resonate on the other. You believe harmonic resonance works with people, too. When you speak openly from your heart, the hearts of others seem to open. This is because you are helping the people around you to vibrate at your same higher harmonic level. You've heard this called "companion energy." And you believe that in the same way the invisible germs of a cold can be contagious, or the invisible oxygen dynamics of a yawn can be contagious, the invisible energy of thoughts are contagious. RESONATE.
Your Local Quantum Physicist has even documented how the brain has electrical energy that gives off varying vibrations depending upon thoughts and mood. Because like energy attracts like energy, it makes sense that positivity might indeed attract positive results - even "positive, lucky coincidences." You believe this may also explain why the rich get richer, why misery loves company, and why whenever you've already got a paramour it's way easier to get a paramour. And this is also why fear attracts fear. Like your fear of not being able to fall asleep always seems to attract the problem of your not being able to fall asleep. Ditto for your fear of falling in love. Ditto for your fear of being too successful. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #27
Worry and doubt can actually be prayers and visualizations - and self-fulfilling programming - for things you do not want. Self-fulfilling programming. The world is your mirror. Everything is created twice. What you have running in the programming of your mind eventually manifests itself in the outer world. So if you want to change your outer world, you must first change your internal mental programming. When you try to change the external world first, it's like trying to change the picture on a TV screen by rubbing that picture with a cloth. You can rub, and rub , and rub - but it's futile, baby. However... when you change your mental programming - who you are thinking you are and what you are thinking you deserve - you find the world around you changes simultaneously. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #28 Chaos Theory affects you daily - from the turbulence of today's weather to the complicated beatings of your heart, to all sorts of assorted areas in your life. The theory states that there is order and pattern where you might think there is only randomness and unpredictability. One f the most talked about principles of Chaos Theory - The Butterfly Effect - goes so far as to say that even the tiniest action can set off a chain of larger reactions - like the mere fluttering of a butterfly's wings in New York can transform storm systems in Tibet next month. And the tiniest actions can also create reactions within your brain, heart, and body. Your Local Neurologist has even documented how the "action" of the mere twitch of a smile can se t off the "reaction " of a stream of happy endorphins throughout your body. It seems the smile forces certain facial muscles to contract, which decreases the flow of blood in nearby vessels, which cools the blood, which lowers the temperature of the brain stem, which then produces more of a neurotransmitter called serotonin - which then puts you in a perkier mood. Plus your Local Neurologist has also documented how a person who is happy is better able to retrieve happy thoughts / ideas from their brain because these information bits are simmering at similar temperatures.
Life Lesson #29
There's great power in: I Think Therefore I Have. For all four reasons - psychological, biological, logical, and that other "fuzzy universal spirit (Ralph) zone" - yo recognize that positive thinking is a powerful force in achieving your goals. So, you decide to follow A Positive Thought Diet Program: You start your day by reminding yourself how you are the type of person who attracts the thing / quality / love you want. You end your day by looking for the positiv thigns you've brought toward you ( in a similar wy t when you are watigin in a long long movie line, you look at how far you've come, rather than tat the hopelessly long line ahead). And... speaking of waiting time... you use yours (waiting for movies, elevators, buses, call-waiting ) to repeat positive thinking mantras.
You make a list of all the reasons why you're worthy to get this thing / quality / love you want - and fully convince yourself of it. You clip photos from magazines of your goal, and keep them nearby for an emotional boost. You remind yourself of all the other times you've gotten the thing / quality / love you want - which means you can do it yet again! Then...you do ditto for how others have achieved their goals. You transform any negative jealousy into positive inspiration - as proof that what you want can be gotten! You exercise and eat healthy foods so as to keep your mental attitude up and perky. You recognize that mind and body are one - except during PMS, when mind and body are about 2.5. You keep in mind what Ralph Waldo Emerson said about the mind: "A man becomes what he thinks about most of the time." (In other words, you can fall prey to the ol' "I think... therefore I am depressed.") Whenever you're feeling pissed off or pissed on, you grab for a positive thought and use it as an emotional jack to get your spirit up and running smoothly. Plus, you jump-start positive endorphins by reading something funny - or seeing a funny movie. Or... you write a list of 10 funny interpretations of that something bad in your life. Or... you retrain your mind not to focus on this bad thing at all, but rather on the 9 great things happening. Or... if you only have one great thing happening, you refocus on this, knowing even if it's a tiny positive thing - a little teeny-weeny ember of positivity - if you fan this ember it will grow. You know the Positive Thought Diet Program will shape up your life if followed - as long as it's followed regularly.
Life Lesson #30
You cannot expect to see results from your Positive Thought Diet Program unless you follow it consistently and over time. You recognize that: work + time + faith = results. You must not give up your faith. Believing is seeing. Which reminds you of an old joke...
H2-Uh-Oh
A man was drowning in the ocean, hoping maybe God might save him. Soon, a small boat rowed up and offered to help him, but he, still testing to see if God would save him, sent the boat away. Next, a big yacht came by and offered to help him, but he sent this yacht away, again testing to see if God would save him. Next, a helicopter flew by and offered to throw down a ladder., but the man sent this helicopter away, still holding out for God to save him. Soon after, he drowned. When this man got up to heaven, he asked God why He didn't save him? God explained, "Who do you think sent the boat, the yacht, and the helicopter?"
You know: You're being sent boats, yachts, and helicopters all the time. You just have to jump on board. Actually, this is also the divine principle behind the ordinary story of a girl ultimately marrying the boy next door... how/why/when she finally notices he's right next door. In other words: If you want to find a loving, sexy, communicative soulmate, you have to first believe in the existence of such a creature, so you can recognize this creature when it walks by - and not to give up on your search. And in some more words: If you believe a building exists, then even if you get lost on your way to finding it, you'll keep driving because you know it exists. And you know what you're looking for. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #31
Your faith determines your destiny. So you must make sure your faith remains stronger than your mood. You must resist the temptation of giving up when your hoped-for goal doesn't seem to be showing up! Which reminds you of a quote from that underappreciated Zen Philosopher, Bazooka Joe: "Your success is limited only by your desire." You realize: Joe is right - and pretty deep for a bubble gum guy. In fact, Bazooka Joe has given you another juicy piece of philosophy you often find yourself chewing on...
Life Lesson #32
"Never compromise your dreams." Bazooka Joe has said. Joe's quote reminds you of another famous quote: "The greatest enemy of the great is the good." And what is "the good"? Another way of saying "the choice you accept because you are afraid of pursuing - or have given up on pursuing - - a greater choice." Which reminds you of an old Groucho Marx joke...
An old groucho marx joke in a box
Groucho Marx was talking to a friend about marrying an unattractive mate, because a beautiful one could leave you. His friend reminds him: "An ugly one could leave you too." Groucho agrees, but explains, "Yeah, but if they do, who cares?" You hear that joke and you know: you don't want to be a Groucho Marxist when it comes to compromise. You want to resist settling for second best, or third best, or 127th best, when your #1 choice seems scary or slow in coming. You see: if you cowardly settle for only the 5s life gives you (in lovers, friends, jobs, shoes, etc.) then you won't live a 10 life. Even if you gather a million 5s (ie a million 5-level lovers), because you'll still be creating a median of a 5 life. Not the 10 life you want. Not the satisfying life you want. You realize: this is also why sometimes after you get a 5 something - you do not want that 5 something - because it is the wrong something - selected by the fearful, insecure 5-esque something inside you - that pesky 5-esque phantom of your 5-dom past, who holds you back with those convictions that life can only come in one 5-osity flavor. You know: you must let go of those 5s. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #33
When you let go of unnecessary attachments, you pick up speed in heading toward your true goals. For this reason, it's always better to have a short bad relationship than a long bad relationship. Or a short unsatisfying career versus a long unsatisfying career. The sooner the eagle flies the coop, the sooner the high-flying eagle livin' begins. Though you also know it's scary to LET GO. What if you fall? What if you don't have eagle wings after all - and cannot fly? Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #34
You must live your life using the same philosophy a mountain climber uses to climb a mountain: "Never look down. Keep looking forward and upward." You've read: Most people are not risk averse - but loss averse. They spend too much time looking at all the dangers that can happen if they let go. Not you. You consciously decide to stay focused on what you have to gain by letting go o f that unsatisfying job or messed -up relationship. But you also know that... it's hard to let go. It takes great emotional strength and endurance to climb up to another level. You also know, the more you climb upward, the stronger you will get because you will be building up your emotional muscles over time. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #35
Letting go and climbing up to higher life levels, means building new emotional muscles. And just like with all muscle growth, you will always feel the pain before you see the growth. You've felt this pain first hand - and first heart. Like the last time you broke up with an unsatisfying paramour... in hope of finding a highly satisfying paramour. It was not until much later that you realized this pain did lead to your emotional growth. Build. It just took time, dammit.
Pain = lucky
So you remind yourself to remind yourself that next time you feel emotional pain that you are lucky. You are getting stronger. Things are improving - although you ight not see it right away. It's like when your home was being painted and it looked its utmost worst. Total chaos. However, underneath this chaos was renovation in motion. And because you were aware that this painting action was leading to a more beautiful home, you could relax, breathe easily, accepting the chaos around you. Same goes with your life. Its messy areas are simply areas under construction. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #36
Everything has its process. You must respect this process. Just like with the painting process, your life improvement process can't be rushed. Which reminds you of something very deep and wise your painter told you as he headed out the door midday for pizza: You can't paint over a wet coat," he said. "You gotta wait for it to dry, otherwise you keep painting and painting and you get nowhere, you know?"
Life Lesson #37
Often doing less, gets you more. Truly: LESS is more... more or less. Getting what you want does not always mean hard word and struggle. Often, it's when you relax and stop resisting that what you want can't resist you. The Taoists advise about this: "Be careful not to turn over a fish too many times or it shall fall apart." However, the Taoists also believe in duality, meaning - the opposite of this is also true. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #38
You must create your own good luck. You must be pro-active - and even pre-active. You must know when it's time to stop sitting around all relaxed, waiting for things to just happen to you - and instead stand up and take life by the shirt collar - and not be afraid to wrinkle that shirt collar. you alone decide on your own the level of love and money and happiness you attract to yourself. Pro-active. Or as Roseanne once said: "The thing women have got to learn i that nobody gives you power. you just take it." You know roseanne is right. Whether you be a man or you be a woman - you are your own waiter in this cafe called Life. You decide what to serve yourself - the cheeseburgers of existence or the caviar and champagne treatment. And although the aforementioned champagne was metaphysical champagne, you also know what you need to know when it comes to indulging in that real good materialistic champagne stuff. Which brings you to...
Life Lesson #39
Money will never bring you true happiness - however, happiness will bring you true money. Expensive champagne will never be the panacea for extensive emotional pain. However, if you are happy doing what you are dong, then that's when the money will surely come. And you also know that when the money does come (as it will) that...
Life Lesson #40
You need balance, baby. It's called the weekend - and no tht e"weakened." It's not "he who dies with the most toys wins." It's "he who has the most time to play with his toys and the most fun playing with them who wins." In other words: all work and no play means a life of all ego and no spirit. True success is not about making lots of moola so you can get yourself expensive toys for your ego - nor is it about etting yourself a cute, sexy person for your ego. True success is about satisfying your spirit with spirit things. For instance, your ego looks at a cute, sexy person and says, "Yum, yum. I want that person." But your spirit is smarter. It looks at loving, joyous couples and thinks, "Mmmm, I want that joy, that happiness, that love." Your spirit wisely knows: it's not a mate's superficial qualities that ultimately make you happy, but the dynamic this mate and you have together - and the blissful feelings this mate can give you in your true (and eagle) heart. Which reminds you of a lesson you learned reading The Little Prince: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is most important is invisible to the eye." And with this in mind - and heart - you decide to let this wise spirit of yours do all your life shopping. And with this in mind - and heart - you also decide: next time a paramour's not gonzo, then you're gone-zo. Because you know: a paramour without love is merely an empty container. And who wants an empty container? The container is not the sustainer. you must not confuse the bottle fo the juice. The bottle might satisfy your ego, but only the juice can feed your heart.
Life Lesson #41
Prozak Shmozak. Love is the drug. Love is what you're always looking for in all the things you're looking for. Even your yearning for sex is really a sdyslexic search for love. You. You know it. The ad agencies know it. Love is the #1 marketing strategy, used as a romise in ad campaigns for products from cars to toothpaste to floorwax. And all this Lovemania reminds you of the Zen saying: "Basically the archer aims at himself." If you are not a happy person inside you, then nothing outside you will ever make you happy and able to feel love. This makes sense because you know already from Lesson #27 how the world is your mirror. It thereby makes sense that if ou can increase how happy and loving you feel about yourself on the inside, the more happiness and love you will see and attract from the world around you to you. Soon the simplest things around you can bring you happiness and loving feelings - like the way a beam of light shines on a flashy sportscar - instead of the sportscar itself. Or the sight of a perfect flower - or an imperfect flower.
Life Lesson #42
Just like there's sexual attraction, there's love attraction. When you feel the love energy inside you, other people feel it coming off of you - and find themselves wildly - and oddly - attracted to you. You've witnessed this yourself - how whenever you're in love you seem to attract more love to you - as well as other positive stuff. Yes, love is a boomerang, baby. What you have and give away is what you get back. Love energy attracts love energy - for the reasons you learned back in Life Lesson #26. It's all about "harmonic resonance" working its energies on those around you. And so with a fierce heart you work at attaining the maintainng this unconditional self-love for yourself and life within your fierce heart - and when you do, you see how life just loves the bupkiss out of you right back - and big time! LOVE ENERGY.
Life Lesson #43
There's a difference between knowing vs. doing. You know all of what is in this book is true - and should be followed. Knowledge and ideas are not enough. You must put in the effot and discipline o faction. You must truly live these life lessons daily. You must seize the day... And seize the night... And seize the 3 o'clock coffee break. You get the idea. Seize it all. What you seize is what you get. Which all means...
Life Lesson #44
Live now, procrastinate later. What are you waiting for? Start following this book now. And we mean now, dammit. Come on. We mean it. Close the damn book already! Scram. Amscray.