BOOK | 50 WAYS TO A BETTER NEW YOU

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- - - - - - 50 WAYS TO A BETTER NEW YOU for dummies - - - - - - 

Introduction

Happiness is an important part of life - no less than anger, sadness, and fear. It begins with life itself: What mother doesn't recognize the look of happiness on the face of her newborn? Human beings are wired with an innate, neurological potential for happiness, but whether this potential eventually becomes a reality depends on how we choose to live our lives. In other words, happiness isn't an accident, and it isn't a gift from the gods - it's the gift you give yourself! If you're like me, you're far too passive when it comes to experiencing happiness. you wait for it to find you instead of exercising your right to pursue it. It's because most people are passive when it comes to happiness that happiness seems so elusive! Face it: We live in proactive times. people around the world don't wait for freedom - they fright for it. Wealth is no longer something you have to inherit - you can create it. People are living longer these days. Why? Because we're learning that we can improve quality of life through the everyday choices we make. This little book tells you how to fight for, create, and live a long and happy life. It makes you the master of your own happy destiny!

Ch1 The Search For Happiness

Happiness is everywhere - in every country, culture, big city, jungle, canyon, and apartment building in the world, anywhere that human beings reside. Thus, happiness - along with anger, curiosity, fear, disgust, and sadness - is considered a universal emotion. But some people have a hard time defining happiness in their lives. This chapter can help. 

Happiness form the Individual Perspective

Other people are the best teachers, no matter what you're trying to learn. So, if you want to know how to be happy, what better way to start than by asking people who show happiness more than most people? Happy people tend to share these common elements:

- they attribute much of their happiness to the influences of significant others in their lives (parents, life partners).

- They all profess a belief that happiness is something you have to work for - you have to find it, it doesn't come looking for you.

- They all believe it's possible to be happy even when life doesn't always go the way you want it to (for example, when dealing with aging parents, coping with depression, or grieving the loss of loved ones to debilitating illnesses).

- They all believe in a higher power and practice their religion, and they think that helps them have a positive outlook on life. 

- They all believe in beginning and ending the day with positive thoughts that lend themselves to happiness.

- They all believe that happiness insures good health and keeps you looking young.

- They all believe that happiness is something that increases with age 

The Demographics of Happiness

Happiness is a very democratic emotion - it isn't an emotion that's available to only a certain group of individuals and not others. But there are some demographic characteristics that increase your chances of being happy. I cover these in the following sections. 

Age

Age seems to increase a person's overall likelihood of being happy. If you think that young people have the advantage here, you're wrong. Most young people are happy to be sure, but research shows that you're much MORE likely to experience happiness the older you get. In one survey, 38 percent of respondents aged 68 to 77 reported feeling "very happy" as compared to only 28 percent of respondents between the ages of 18 and 27. This same survey showed a sharp increase in happiness scores beginning at age 45 and continuing into the mid-70s. (There was a similar decline in negative emotions with age.)

So, why do people tend to get happier as they get older?

- Older people have reached  point of satiation in life. They've had a sufficient amount of success and positive experiences to feel both grateful and content. Younger people are on the way, but they're not there yet. 

- Age alters a person's expectations. Somewhere along the way, you realize that you don't get everything you want out of life and that life never was meant to be perfect. I tell people all the time, "If you want to be happy, you don't have to like the way life is - you just have to accept that it is that way."

- With age comes wisdom - a perspective that results from combination of accumulated worldly experience and knowledge - not often seen as people muddle through the first half of life. It's no coincidence that the people I interviewed (see the preceding section) were all between the ages of 56 and 74.

Marital Status

Marriage also seems to make a difference in people's happiness. married people, generally speaking, are happier than those who are unmarried. This is true for both men and women. Marriage is one of the meaningful social ties. It brings coherence to people's lives, gives them an opportunities to be less selfish, and allows them to tend and befriend those they love. Although most of the research looks at happiness in married people, I think it's fair to say that these same benefits would accrue from other types of committed, long-term relationships as well. 

Doing the following leads to a successful marriage:

- Understanding that being in an intimate relationship means being your partner's companion

- Creating a sense of equity and parity in the relationship

- Sharing interests, passion, and intimacy

- Avoiding contempt even when angry

- Practicing empathy

- Saying the magic words: "I am sorry."

Education Level

The more education you have, the happier you're likely to be. This may be an indirect effect of the positive relationship that education has on a person's earning power, health, ability to cope with the stresses and strains of everyday life, and longevity. In short, education doesn't guarantee that you'll be happy, but it sure does increase your odds. Sign up for a class or two at your local community college. Trust me, you'll be happy you did.

Chapter 2

50 Tips for Self Improvement

Stuck in a rut? Not sure where to turn? Looking to make your life better? The following 50 tips can help. 

1. Talk to Someone

Talk to a happy person you know and see if you can find out what his secret to happiness is. If you're like me, you'll be surprised at how willing he is to talk about why he's happy, who in his life enabled him to feel this way, and what he sees as the benefits that come from always being positive.

2. Broaden Your Focus and Expand Your Thinking

Positive emotions - curiosity, love, joy, contentment, wonder, excitement - expand your focus of attention. When you're angry, your focus narrow to the source of your frustration and the object of your wrath. Your mind is like a heat-seeking missile, bent on destruction. 

3. Linger in the Moment

Bottom line: Some people allow time in their busy day for a few moments of happiness, and others don't. Which kind of person are you?

4. Remember that Timing is Everything

Maybe happiness is meant to be the exception rather than the rule. If you're happy too much of the time, you might get too comfortable - too complacent - with the way things are and not want to change anything. For example, if people had been happy having to light their homes with candles, we wouldn't have needed Thomas Edison to come along and invent the electric light bulb. If in the Old West, people had been happy with the Pony Express as the major communication link between east and west, we wouldn't have needed the telegraph, telephone, and eventual global telecommunication networks. If Americans had been happy using horses to plow their fields and take them into town, Henry Ford would never have brought us tractors and automobiles. This could also explain why people tend to be happier as they grow older. Maybe it makes sense that young people are more frustrated, angrier ,and more restless about life - these feelings provide the energy necessary to make thins happen in terms of productivity, entrepreneurship, creativity ,and invention. What I'm suggesting is that perhaps happiness is wasted on the young and is an emotion better suited to people in the second half of life. Why else would 38 percent of people between the ages of 68 and 77 report being "very happy" as compared to only 28 percent of those between 18 and 27? Look on the bright side: If you're under age 40, you have something to look forward to - a happier time of life. If you're over 40, good news: You're already well on your way to compounding a life of happiness.

5. Gather Four Basic Ingredients

The foundation for true happiness consists of four basic ingredients: a feeling of safety, a sense of satiation, a sense of perspective, and quietude. These four ingredients are essential if your goal is happiness. You can't make chicken soup or chicken salad without chicken to start with. But your neighbor may put things in his chicken salad that you can't imagine putting in yours.

6. Don't overlook pleasure in your life

Make a list of as many things as you can think of that please you. Now ask yourself this crucial question: When was the last time I was being that person or doing those things?

7. Be grateful

Begin each new day of your life with a few minutes of quiet reflection about all the things you have to be grateful for, and then, either silently to yourself or out loud, say thank-you for each item on the list. Trust me, there's no better way to start your day and open yourself up to the possibility of happiness.

8. Strive for serenity

Serenity has to do with peace of mind. Happiness can't find its way into a mind cluttered by worry, anxieties, anger, stress, and who know what else. Quietude is about finding a quiet place; serenity is about having a quiet mind. Of course, you'll have an easier time finding serenity in a place of quietude. Meditation is an excellent way to find serenity. Pick up a copy of Meditation For Dummies.

9. Be well by looking after your well-being

Common sense will tell you that it's easier to be happy when you're feeling healthy or well than it is to feel happy when you're sick. (Of course, it isn't impossible for human beings to experience happiness when they're not well - it's just more difficult.)

10. Don't expect Money to buy happiness

I'm not here to tell you that money doesn't matter. It does. But it doesn't buy happiness. Money does buy physical comfort; emotional and informational support; and all kinds freedom. Sure, those things are great, but they aren't everything. And plenty of people have those things and aren't the least bit happy. 

11. Don't look for transforming experiences

I wish I could tell you that one moment of happiness can transform your life from what it is now to something much better, but I can't. Happiness is an emotion, and emotions are, by definition, short-lived - they come and go like waves on a beach. You're happy, excited, joyful one minute - and the next minute, you're not. Happiness occurs in moments, not hours, days, weeks, months, or years. Sometimes the experience lasts just a few seconds; other times it lasts as long as a few minutes. But inevitably it disappears. The trick is to enjoy the moment, to relish the experience, and to be mindful that it'll be gone before you know it. What I do in this book is show you how to create and have more of these moments than you ever have before. 

12. Don't be afraid to be happy. 

Negative emotions can be toxic. Prolonged sadness - for example, over the death of a loved one - can lead to a state of depression. which can itself be life-threatening. (Depression is linked to the development of heart disease and is a risk factor for heart attacks.) Too much fear can cause people to become house-bound (a condition known as agoraphobia, which means "fear of public places"), have unrelenting headaches, and develop ulcers and high blood pressure. The good news is that positive emotions, including happiness, aren't toxic. You can't be too happy. So if you find yourself in a happy moment, be thankful for it, and hope it continues beyond 25 minutes! The next time you find yourself having a happy moment, rate how intense that feeling is on a 10-point scale (where 1 is barely happy and 10 is ecstatic) and time yourself to see how long that feeling lasts. The happier you are, the longer it should last.

13. Be in sync with your surroundings

Your emotions are affected by the world you live in - your physical and social surroundings. If you're in sync with that world, you have a much better chance of achieving happiness. Think about where you currently live. Now, ask yourself whether you're living in a place where you can be happy. If the answer is yes, then you know that your environment is not the root of your unhappiness. If the answer is no, it might be. If that's the case, you may consider a "geographic cure" - move to that sunny climate you long for during the winter or a city in which you'd be hard pressed to feel bored. 

14. Stick with the right people. 

Think about the people who are around you - your neighbors, co-workers, family, and friends. Are you living around people who make you happy? If so, then you know for sure that people aren't the reason you're unhappy. If not, try making some new friends or looking for happiness outside of work or your neighborhood. There's no law that says you can't move back closer to your family if that'll make you happy.

15. Do the Right Things

Ask yourself whether you're doing things that make you happy. If you answered yes, then it's a no-brainer: Keep doing those things. If you answered no, try out some new activities - including some of those that I mention in the preceding paragraph. Look at what you're doing - all the activities of your life (from work to fun and everything in between) - and ask yourself, "Why?" Are you doing things with and for other people for the right reasons? If you answered yes, there's nothing to change. And if you answered no, you need to come up with another reason for doing the same thing - for example, "I want to go to my id's ball games so he'll have some positive memories of me when I'm no longer around" or "GOlf is a great from of exercise - a lot easier than going to a gym and killing myself on the treadmill." (*Just say no to obligation!!)

16. Never Pass Up an Opportunity

You may not realize it, but life provides you with lots of opportunities for constructive change - the chance to correct things and get it right. What determines whether change represents an opportunity or a curse is not the change itself, but rather what you do as a result of the change. If you get fired from a job you hate, and you decide to find another job that's more to your liking, your life will be a lot happier. If you choose, instead, to find another job just like the one you lost, you won't be happier. It's really up to you. 

Take a few minutes to think about your life and ask yourself, "How many opportunities have I had to change my life for the better?" Try to picture each of these times in your mind and remember exactly how you responded to those opportunities. Were they missed opportunities or did you turn your life in a new direction? Maybe you missed these opportunities because you were too pessimistic about the future or you were thinking of these situations as catastrophes rather than opportunities. If you're the type of person who has, in the past, made good use of forced opportunities (ones that you wouldn't have chosen for yourself), then you're in good shape for dealing with whatever comes your way next. (*Don't think twice. Just do it! Spontaneity!!!)

17. Embrace Optimism

Wh does optimism matter? Because if your future looks rosy, being happy in the present is easier. Beyond the simple reality that optimists are happier people ( and happiness is what you're striving for) optimism has other benefits as well:  Optimists enjoy a greater degree of academic success than pessimists do. Because optimistic students think it's possible for them to make a good grade, they study hardier and they study smarter. they manage the setting in which they study (choosing the library over the dorm room) and they seek help from others (fellow students, teachers) when they need it. (Optimism, it turns out, is almost as predictive of ho well students do in college as the SAT - another reason not to be discouraged if you didn't knock the socks off the SAT.) Optimists tend to set more specific goals than pessimists do (for example, "I want to increase my sales by 20 percent this year"). The more specific and concrete your goals are, the more likely you'll be to achieve success. The optimistic student has a goal of making a B+ average this semester; the pessimistic student simply wants to "do well" in school. Similarly, when it comes to achieving happiness, you're better off having goals such as "I want to engineer a better balance between work and play" or "I want to double the number of uplifting experiences I have week in and week out" than something as non-specific as "I want to be happy."  Optimists are more self-confident than pessimists are. They believe in themselves more than fate. (They also bet on themselves more than they bet on the horses!) Optimists persist and persevere. They're not quitters! Optimists welcome second chances after they fail more than pessimists do. Optimistic golfers always take a mulligan (a redo swing without penalty). Why? Because they expect to achieve a better result the second time around. Optimists are less likely to blame others for their misfortune than pessimists are. When you blame someone else for your troubles, what youer' really saying is, "You're the cause of my problem and, therefore, you have to be the solution as well." Optimists have just as many troubles as pessimists throughout life - they just accept more responsibility for dealing with their misfortune. Optimists cope with stress better than pessimists do. Pessimists worry, optimists act. A patient with coronary heart disease who is pessimistic "hoes and prays" that he doesn't have another heart attack anytime soon. The optimistic heart patient leaves little to chance - instead, he exercises regularly, practices his meditation exercises, adheres to a low-cholesterol diet, and makes sure he always gets a good night's sleep. (Cardiologist love optimistic patients!) Optimism rocks when it comes to... well, when it comes to everything in life, from your health to your social relationships. Its benefits truly can't be exaggerated or overestimated!

18. Fight Negative Expectations

Pessimism is a learned response, and you don't have to think that way. You learned to expect the worse, and you can unlearn it too. Here are five simple rules to help you do just that: Accept the fact that you're a pessimist at heart. You don't have to go around sharing that information with just anyone, but you should be honest with yourself about the challenge you face in becoming a more positive -thinking person. Accept the fact that your first thought is always a negative one - that's just a given. But don't go with this thought, don't dwell on it, and certainly don't let it guide your behavior at the moment.  Remember that it's the second thought that counts. Learn to counteract your initial pessimism by substituting an optimistic thought. So, for example "I'm not sure I can do this" becomes"Wow, what a great opportunity!" Separate the past form the present (and the future). Start saying, "That was then; this is now." No longer link the chaos of your early years (or whatever negative experiences you had in the past) with the expectations you have for things that come up in today's world. Reward yourself for this self-initiated change in thinking. Give yourself a pat on the back , or head to your local coffee shop for you favorite drink.